There are some amazing weapons in video games. Implements of destruction so unique, brutal or elegant that using them yields no little sense of satisfaction.
However here we are going to talk about the most useless weapons that can’t make sense in your gaming experience.
Here are the most aggravatingly useless weapons you will ever find in video games.
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Greatsword of Artorias – Dark Souls Video games
Artorias the Abysswalker. One of the most enigmatic characters and badass boss fight in the Dark Souls series. The legendary wolf knight knew how to roll in style. However, one quickly discovers that style without substance is a dangerous combination when you dump thousands of souls into crafting the Greatsword of Artorias in Dark Souls 1.
Requiring high strength, dexterity, faith, and intelligence stats to wield. We need to spend most of the game putting together a jack-of-all-trades build to the weapon the game’s worst heavy moves.
Timing is a significant factor in Souls games, right. Making heavy attacks that take a half-hour to know to attack a huge liability, what’s more, due to a quirk of the game’s damage system. The sword’s split physical/magic damage actually does less damage than a similar weapon with pure physical damage.
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However, for dedicated Fashion Souls players and Abysswalker fanboys, none of that takes away from the fact that the sword itself looks really, really cool.
Lethal Takedowns – Deus Ex: Human Revolution
For a game that supposedly focused on giving you a balance of violent and pacifist paths through any challenge. The violent options were almost always useless (except in all those boss fights you couldn’t stealth your way through).
While you supposedly have a choice between lethal and non-lethal stealth takedowns. The lethal variety was invariably worse in every single way. For instance, lethal takedowns took longer to activate. They gave you less XP, and — oh yeah, they were, stentorian. While you could knock guys out with complex martial arts moves without any guards noticing. The moment you slit a guy’s throat with your arm blades, every single NPC in the area would jump on you, making it a pointless stealth tool.
The one plus-side to the lethal takedowns were that they were all amazingly badass.
Shotguns – Mass Effect 1
While shotguns in the franchise’s later games were dealers of pure firey death paired with the Tactical Cloak or a Biotic Charge. Shotguns in the original Mass Effect were about as fun as a bee sting.
Featuring the traditional drawbacks of videogame shotguns. They are Short-range, low ammo, long reload time. The RPG mechanics of ME1 meant that shotguns were pretty weak against everything except Husks until you leveled up their associated skill. Besides, Shotguns also overheated very quickly in ME1 (there was no ammo), leaving you defenseless for several seconds until they cooled down.
It’s not easy to mess up a video game shotgun, especially in a game with several varieties of zombies. However, Bioware managed to do it.
Molten Blade – Hearthstone
Hearthstone is a game that thrives on random chance. Above all, Every HS player has a story about how they stole victory from the jaws of defeat thanks to some random effect shenanigans. However, Molten Blade, a weapon card that transforms into a different weapon card every turn, might be a step too far in the deep end.
While there are amazing weapon cards in the game like Doomhammer or Gorehowl. Others are only good on a curve or are Light’s Justice. Maybe keeping this card in your deck will win you one in 10 games, but it’s just taking up space in the other nine.
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Dual Berettas – Counter Strike: Global Offensive
Outside of John Wu movies and Halo 2, dual-wielding pistols are completely pointless. The “reality” of such a fighting style is well portrayed in Counter-Strike, where any player who puts down $500 on the Dual Berettas immediately reveals themselves to be a total tool. Not only are they unreasonably over-priced, but they’re also underpowered, inaccurate, and take forever to reload.
Kyne’s Peace Shout – The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Among the many Dragon Shouts to be discovered through the land of Skyrim, many of them are too situational to see much use (looking at you Throw Voice). However, Kyne’s Peace Shout offends, not just for being super niche, but for also being completely redundant.
The Shout makes it so that any animals around you become docile, which would be useful … if there wasn’t already Animal Allegiance, which will make nearby animals fight for you.
I’m not enough of a lore guy to know who Kyne was, but I hope he was as disappointed in himself and his accomplishments as I am.
Final Comment Video games
These are by far the worst video game weapons ever made. What do you think? Were there any utterly unplayable weapons we missed? Let us know in the comments or share your thoughts directly on Twitter at @9to5game to talk about all things gaming.
